Defining Success
Nothing happens in a vacuum. Even if a person was a castaway, all alone on a desert island, he or she would still have in mind the approval of people back in the civilisation.
Imagine the castaway is fishing. He or she would measure success in terms of proficiency, skill, manual dexterity, as seen through the eyes of people back in civilisation.
If the castaway became really proficient at making a shelter, finding food and dealing with their desert island world, they would imagine the admiration of others. They would be proud of how much more ‘real’ they were than the others back in civilisation. Even disdain is by reference to other people.
There are those who devote themselves to the materials and to the task in hand. They are absorbed into the task, and the work is its own reward.
How many are there like that? Not many.
Tell me it isn't so.
The fact is that except for sociopaths, in our heads we all live in a community of other people.
And nearly all of us do everything by reference to other people.
So now, what is success?
Is it one where each person sees the others as a springboard to personal success?
Is it one where each person does not care about whether the others are successful – except insofar as a lack of success of others endangers or helps their own chance of success?
Is it one where success means a common success?
A common success means each person feels that success is only success when everyone succeeds. It means each person feels responsible for everyone else.
Are we any good at feeling that kind of desire for communal wellbeing?
Why should we be when the arc of human development over the past centuries has been for all of us to search for and find our individual voice. We may be polite, accommodating, civil, or pushy and grasping – with all shades in between – but in truth we are all making our individual way forward.
Tell me, how is it working out?
And now that we (or at least Google and Facebook) have access to big data, we learn that our precious individuality is in large part a mirage. We are predictable. We give off signals all the time.
We leave such a trail of data points that we have become exposed for the predictable creatures we are.
So where is our individuality that we guard so preciously?
In truth we are tied to avoiding pain and pursuing pleasure. Follow our trails over the years, and you will know us.
So, my idea of my success – is my idea of success even mine?
How far did I choose my pleasures? Keeping up with the Joneses stretches a lot further than the neighbour's new car.
Suppose a person comes to realise that everything they do is built around an image of success they didn't themselves create.
Suppose a person comes to realise they are in a race defined by success and rejection where they themselves are the only person they care about.
Suppose a person comes to feel they want everyone to succeed and not for them to succeed at everyone else's expense.
Perhaps the first conscious step that person can take is to put themselves among the kind of people they aspire to be like.